© MJ McGalliard
(The Suburban Juror is a cryptically obscure reference to an obscure joke. Don’t feel bad if you don’t get it.)
I participated in what is one of the biggest deterrents on
the planet to Democracy a while back, I had jury duty.
First of all I should say that trial by jury is a
fundamental part of American Justice and I believe in it. I just wish I could get on a jury. Just one, because, you see the thing is, well
that RANDOM SELECTION dealie picks me once a year. Too bad this strange luck doesn’t accompany
me to casinos, but it’s become something I can count on.
Every summer I have to mow the lawn and I have to show up
for jury duty.
I wouldn’t mind, the jury thing not mowing, I HATE mowing,
but I can’t get on a jury, I always get rejected. And it hurts.
I used to do stand-up comedy so I know a thing or two about being
rejected by strangers. But, those people
didn’t think I was funny; these people don’t think I’m worthy as a human being
to sit in judgement on another.
OK, now that I think about it they may have a point. But, seriously have you seen some of the
people that show up for jury duty? I’ve
felt safer in dark alleys. More on that
in a minute, but first a philosophical word about getting out of jury duty….
A lot of people scheme in various ways to get out of jury
duty. Which I can understand, it’s no
fun to have to report to a courthouse, suffer airport-like searches and security,
and then go willingly into a crowded room through a door guarded by someone
with a gun. It’s kind of like jail for law
abiding citizens.
However-
Karma is a bitch and she has a sister with a set of scales
and a blindfold. You only have to ask
yourself one question- If that was somehow you on trial who would you want on
your jury? Somebody like yourself or the
blond guy I saw with cornrows in his hair and beard wearing a black tee shirt
that said “666”? (He may be a very gentle,
vegetarian with a sardonic view of the world, but see above mentioned dark
alley.) Concerning the rest of the room,
I could hear the echoes of their various complaints. No one wanted to be there, grumbles were
rampant and some of the conversations I overheard would make Jerry Springer
shake his head and say, “Really?”
So, why is it I can’t get on a jury? First of all you have to fill out a form and
sign it (swearing it is the truth, the whole truth and you are guilty of
perjury if you lie) wherein you have to list your education. You can bet anybody with a BA or above is put
on the short list for the big bye-bye.
Lawyers, both defense and prosecution, want people that are persuadable
and it is their prejudice that people with more education are harder to influence. But, that alone may not eliminate you.
Opening your mouth will.
In the one instance I got into the actual jury selection
process, the trial was for a young black man allegedly caught with crack
cocaine. There is a point early on when
they ask if anyone has any strong opinions about the subject. Being an honest citizen I stood up and
expressed that I believed the penalties for crack cocaine were onerous, that
cocaine was cocaine; the form didn’t matter and the penalties should be
equal. I went on, ignoring the bulging
veins in the judge’s neck, to state the fact that crack was primarily found in
black neighborhoods and to punish it differently was racist.
The defense lawyer smiled, the prosecutor made a note and we
broke for the day.
The next morning before selection began a woman stood up and
said she’d been thinking about what I said concerning the differences in
penalties between the two cocaines and she thought it was racist, too. It was about then I noticed how purple the
judge had become.
The upshot is the defense lawyer gladly seated me in the
jury box and the next instant the prosecutor unseated me and I was out of
there. But, I’ve since wondered about
that young man and if he is still in jail.
Knowing that if he were a white man carrying powdered cocaine, would
have had his freedom by now.
I can fantasize about what would have happened had the whole
jury been full of people like me. While
deciding the guilt or innocence of the young man we might have put the law
itself on trial. And, that’s a big
no-no. You see, we are told the law is the
law and we are there to decide if the person on trial broke that law, not to
decide if the law is just.
My big problem with laws is that they are made by people who
will do anything to stay in office. And,
if that means being ‘Tough On Crime’, which usually translates into making
minorities into scapegoats, then that’s just great by them and by golly let’s
get some signs printed. The result of
which is securing the votes of scared white people and winning elections.
Laws should be fair. You shouldn’t get ten years for
stealing a blue car instead of five for taking a red car.
Jury selection is based on ignorance, lack of opinion and
vulnerability to persuasion.
I can understand not wanting a raving bigot on your jury,
but eliminating some one for a considered opinion seems to defeat the spirit of
a trial by your peers.
Assuming the glitch is fixed in the ‘random’ method for
picking people for jury duty and I don’t have to go every year, maybe we should
just try taking the first twelve people through the door and see what happens.
If we educate our people, if we ever overcome our racism, if
we balance impartiality with compassion that just might work.
